Lessons from Mel Robbins — With an ORSC Twist
We’ve all been there.
Watching someone we love—or lead—struggle, stall, or resist change. Maybe it’s a colleague stuck in a pattern. A partner unwilling to grow. A client not taking action. The impulse is almost automatic: we want to push, guide, motivate.
But what if the most powerful thing we can do… is step back?
In her newest book, The Let Them Theory, bestselling author and speaker Mel Robbins flips conventional wisdom on its head with a simple but radical idea:
“You can’t make someone change. But you can inspire them to want to.”
This lands like a deep breath. It creates space. And it just so happens to resonate beautifully with one of the most powerful frameworks for coaching relationships and teams: ORSC (Organisation and Relationship Systems Coaching).
And it couldn’t be more relevant than in today’s organisations—where teams are often asked to hold two opposing truths at once:
- “Revenue is down. We need to let people go.”
- “We’re projecting growth and will be market leaders next year.”
Conflicting messages like this create one predictable outcome: motivation drops. And when motivation falls, innovation and productivity fall with it.
The challenge for leaders is clear: how do you keep people engaged and motivated, even when the news is unsettling? Robbins’ Let Them approach—combined with ORSC’s systems lens—offers a powerful way forward.
What Is The Let Them Theory?
At the heart of Robbins’ book is a shift in mindset:
- Let Them — Release the urge to fix, change, or persuade others. Give them the dignity of their own timing and choices.
- Let Me — Take ownership of your own reactions, boundaries, and wellbeing.
This echoes one of ORSC’s core principles: The Relationship System is naturally intelligent, generative, and creative.
As ORSC practitioners, we trust that systems (whether couples, teams, or organisations) have their own wisdom. Our job isn’t to impose change—it’s to create awareness, hold space, and let the system work with its own intelligence.
“Letting them go is not giving up. It’s making space for them to come back when they’re ready.” — Mel Robbins
Why Pressure Backfires
When leaders announce restructures, the instinct is often to over-explain, over-reassure, or over-persuade. Yet, paradoxically, this pressure backfires.
In fact, motivation isn’t something we do to others. It can’t be forced. And when employees feel their voices don’t matter, disengagement skyrockets.
Robbins frames it simply:
“When you stop trying to control, you start to influence.”
ORSC teaches the same shift—from directive leadership to systems-informed leadership. Instead of fixing, we:
- Hold space for what’s present in the team.
- Recognise resistance as a natural role in change (and invite it rather than suppress it).
- Invite partial alignment (even 2% agreement can move the whole system forward).
Real transformation doesn’t come from forcing change. It comes from safety, presence, and trust.
Influence Without Control: The ORSC and Robbins Way
Here’s how these philosophies overlap in practice—especially useful during times of restructure:
- Observe Without Intervening
Let go of urgency. Get curious, not reactive. ORSC trains us to “read the emotional field”—to sense what’s happening underneath the words.- Coaching tip: Instead of saying, “Here’s what I need you to do,” ask: “What does the team need right now?”
- Model the Change You Want to See
Robbins says: be the shift. ORSC agrees. Leaders carry MetaSkills—qualities we embody that ripple through the system.- Want calm? Bring calm. Want openness? Model transparency—even if that means honestly saying: “I can’t share everything right now.”
- Hold Space, Not Judgment
ORSC calls this Deep Democracy: welcoming all voices, even the uncomfortable ones.- Coaching tip: Allow silence. Reflect what you hear. Trust that discomfort often signals growth.
- Respect Autonomy
In both Robbins and ORSC, choice is sacred. Especially during restructuring, people need agency. Even if they don’t agree with the change, honour their right to find their own alignment.
Real-World Examples with an ORSC Lens
- In Leadership (Restructuring Context)
Your company announces layoffs alongside ambitious growth projections. The team is confused, sceptical, and unmotivated. ORSC gives leaders tools to:- Map roles and resistance.
- Invite conversations that name the tension.
- Create space for the system to voice conflicting feelings—fear, hope, frustration, pride.
- In Coaching
Instead of rushing to solutions, use Designed Team Alliances or Blank Access Questions. These shift the focus from “fixing” to co-creating, helping teams rediscover agency. - In Relationships
Whether personal or professional, use tools like the 3 Levels of Reality to explore the difference between surface statements and underlying dreams or fears.
Why This Works
ORSC is grounded in systems theory, process work, and organisational psychology. It recognises that when systems are under pressure (like during restructuring), motivation is the first thing to erode.
- Self-Determination Theory shows that motivation thrives when people feel autonomy, competence, and connection.
- Neuroscience highlights that psychological safety is a precondition for innovation and productivity.
- Both Robbins and ORSC emphasise that presence—not pressure—is what sustains motivation in uncertain times.
Final Thoughts: Motivate Without Forcing
When organisations send mixed signals—“We’re cutting costs” and “We’ll be number one next year”—people naturally feel uncertain. And uncertainty kills motivation.
But the antidote isn’t more pressure. It’s presence.
As Robbins teaches, and ORSC reinforces:
- Trust the process.
- Honour timing.
- Hold the system with curiosity.
- Model the shift you want to see.
Next time you’re tempted to push, pause. Ask yourself: Can I hold the tension a little longer? Can I trust this team, this system, to find its way?
That’s not giving up. That’s leadership. That’s ORSC.
Ready to take the next step?
Don’t wait for “someday.” The final ORSC introductory courses of 2025 are here—your chance to step into training that transforms not just your career, but the way you lead, coach, and connect. Join us virtually on 6–7 October or 20–21 November, or in-person on 9–10 October. And for those ready to commit to the full journey, our final ORSC Series of 2025 begins on 25 September.
Now is the moment to align your skills with your bigger purpose. Take the leap. Your future clients, teams, and relationships will thank you.
